Age of tears
by permlessboy-we-r-not-wort
Summary: Draco falls into desparate love. A gripping tale about lost hopes and suicidal thoughts.
1. Default Chapter

**# I can recall a time before the age of tears, a time when nights were short and banquets went all day.#**

Draco lay in his bed silently. He could hear the snores of Crabbe from around his our poster bed, and the wails of the whining wind. He only had one name running through his head. Draco had never been in love before.   
  
Draco had been out with loads of girls before, but this was different. He had lost his virginity when he was fourteen, and barely that, but he hadn't thought of love then, just lust. Now Draco couldn't stop thinking. How could one person do this to you?! He hated them for putting him through such pain. He hated them full-stop. Why would some-one do this to him? Why would they want to? What had he done to them? That answer was more obvious than Draco had hoped. Now in his fifth year of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, 16 years of age, things had got scary. He couldn't believe he had himself gotten like this, so out of control, so…totally confused! It scared him: it brought Goosebumps to his arms and neck. This was something he couldn't control. To think, he had laughed at Goyle! Who would have guessed, a few weeks down the road...if anyone ever knew the truth... Yet all the bullying in the world couldn't stop this. The truth had to remain silent. For Dracos own sake...

END OF SECTION

Draco awoke with a thumping headache. He dragged himself out of bed, and into the shower. The water was all over his body, running through down his neck, down his legs and back, but he couldn't feel it. He didn't feel anything anymore.   
  
What would his father say?   
  
He pulled his trousers on, and buttoned his shirt. He walked down to the common room while pulling his robe on.   
  
"Looking good Malfoy," Pansy whistled, "looking fine!"   
  
Draco looked right through her.   
  
He ambled down to breakfast alone, and sat far away from the others. He ate quickly and hurried off to his first lesson - potions, with the Griffindors, fate it seemed had a callous sense of humour.   
  
Draco took his usual seat near the back. The class was empty as he was first there. The bell was a good five minutes away. He, for once, was early. Suddenly the door flew open and in walked Hermione Granger, carrying heap loads of books, as ever. Malfoy would have normally made some snide remark, but he remained silent, keeping his head down. Before he could stop it, a tear rolled down his cheek, and splashed onto the desk.   
  
Hermione stared, "Malfoy? Are you..." she trailed off.   
  
"I'm fine what's it to you anyway mudblood?" Draco spat not looking up. Yet Malfoy's words did not satisfy him as was the norm. "Sorry" he mumbled quickly.   
  
"You want to talk about it?" asked Hermione doubtfully.   
  
Malfoy stayed silent, so Hermione sat down at the front.   
  
"What if there was something about you that no-one understood, that even you didn't understand?" Malfoy whispered.   
  
"You mean..... school, personal...love?" Hermione asked carefully as Malfoy nodded. His cheeks were tinted an unusual shade of pink, but Hermione said plainly, "You either talk to them, or hide it. But can I suggest talking. I don't think someone like you has a confidence problem?" Malfoy smiled slightly, "Then what's the matt...." Hermione trailed off as a large crowd of Slytherins and Griffindors burst through the door. Malfoy quickly wiped his eyes as Goyle sat next to him, carrying a large pile of cakes.   
  
Malfoy didn't think he'd ever be able to look Granger in the eye again.

END OF SECTION

Snape burst through the door just as the bell went. He had his usually strict aura about him, and looked particularly displeased today.   
  
"Party tonight Malfoy," Goyle muttered, "The Griffindors are hosting I think. Interested?" he whispered, beaming at Malfoy.   
  
"I think perhaps I would prefer to report them to Umbridge. After all they are a bunch of losers, the whole lot of them, and I am a prefect you know." Draco muttered.   
  
"No way!" Crabbe said, a little to loudly so Snape glanced at him, but said nothing, "You'll ruin the fun!"   
  
"I'm not in the mood."  
  
"But we can't do it without you! You always lead!"   
  
Malfoy considered it for a moment. He would only sit in his dormitory, alone and depressed all night. He didn't have that much homework, and it was a Saturday. Draco couldn't help thinking he might miss a golden chance were he not to go. "Ok, you convinced me, but nothing bad, yeah? We are just going to enjoy the party. Best behaviour."  
  
Both Crabbe and Goyle looked as though they had missed Christmas.

Later that night Crabbe, Goyle and Draco found themselves knocking on an old and particularly battered red door, which seemed quite unfamiliar to them, and seriously hoping it wasn't about to reveal Umbridge. There was a short pause and the door opened, leaving them face to face with Harry Potter.   
  
"What do you want?" Harry spat eyeing them with great dislike.   
  
"To come in Potter, or to go and find Umbridge" Draco said coolly looking around, shocked how confident he felt.   
  
Harry sighed and stepped aside. There were already lots of people here, from all houses. Malfoy took a seat at the side away from the crowds of people dancing and lip wrestling while Crabbe and Goyle made their way straight to the food counter.

END OF SECTION  
  
For a few hours Malfoy sat alone, only moving occasionally for drink refills. A couple of girls came and asked him to dance, including Pansy Parkinson, whom he noticed was wearing a particularly short skirt. He didn't even bother to respond.   
  
As the night drew to a close, Malfoy, like most people, was feeling a little regretful of the amount of alcohol consumed. Eventually, Draco managed to drag himself up, but only to go and be sick in a toilet somewhere. He stepped over numerous couples lying on the floor, mumbling sorry every time he stepped on a hand, or worse. He saw a door to his left, which he stumbled through. There was just one couple in here.   
  
"Weasley?!" Draco mocked, "How did you ever get someone to..." He trailed off upon meeting eyes with the person Ron had been so passionately kissing. "I don't believe it!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Potter?!"  
  
Ron and Harry sat in shock.  
  
"You're Gay?"  
  
Ron's ears started going red.  
  
"Get out Malfoy! Get out right now!" he screamed.  
  
Draco said nothing, just walked out. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. He slumped against the wall opposite the doors, and began, yet again, to be alone with his thoughts. He saw he only had one choice.  
  
END OF SECTION  
  
The door opened eventually and out came a red looking Ron, and a shaken looking Harry.  
  
"Your gay?" Said Draco again, repeating himself in shock.  
  
"Bi" muttered Harry, looking at the floor.  
  
"Shut up Malfoy." Ron said angrily looking around.  
  
"so who is to stop me from telling?" Malfoy shouted as they started to walk away. "I mean everyone guessed about you Weasley, but the famous Harry Perfect? That'll give them all something to talk about! You could get expelled for being here!!"  
  
"You wouldn't." Harry muttered "Because then you'd have to admit to being at a party yourself. How is that going to look to Umbridge?"  
  
"My father would get me out of it." Draco shrugged. Then he turned and walked away. "See you tomorrow." he called over his shoulder, leaving a confused Harry and Ron behind.   
  
There was one thing Draco still didn't understand- why had he just done that to Harry?  
  
END OF SECTION  
  
Ok, if you don't like bloody details, DO NOT READ.  
  
I'm gonna say its 15/16 from now on.  
  
Draco lay awake in his bed, covered from view by the curtains of his four poster bed. He was all alone. No-one to help him. No-one to stop him.  
  
With one hand shaking, he bent into his drawer, and took out a razor blade. He held it to his arms, tears streaming down his face. He couldn't stop now. He couldn't live like this, but he didn't want to die. He didn't no what he wanted. Except for one person.   
  
The blade struck his arm and blood streamed everywhere.  
  
He thought of his father back home.  
  
How was he to tell him he was gay?  
  
How was he going to tell him he was in love with Harry Potter? 


	3. chapter 3

Potions. Dracos first lesson with the Griffindors since the party. Dracos first lesson with Harry. His stomach squirmed.  
  
Draco strolled into the dungeons trying to look confident, yet shaking slightly. Harry turned round to see Draco. Dracos heart pounded.  
  
"Meet me at the end." Draco whispered in his ear as he walked past. "Just you."  
  
Harry's insides were in a knot.   
  
END OF SECTION  
  
Harry waited nervously as Malfoy walked out.  
  
"What do you want." he asked coolly, trying to keep his voice level. "If its money or..." he said stupidly.  
  
"Do i look like I need money Potter?"  
  
Draco met Harry's eyes for a moment. He felt empty. He couldn't do this. He rubbed his arm, lifting his sleeve just a little to far.  
  
Harry stared. "Malfoy... what...?"  
  
Draco looked down, trying to hide his tears.  
  
Harry gingerly put an arm on Dracos shoulder.   
  
Draco just stared at it, as though not sure how to receive his comfort. This is it, he thought. Now or never.  
  
He leaned forward and kissed Harry quickly on the lips. Harry jumped back slightly in surprise.  
  
"Sorry." Draco mumbled, and he turned away.  
  
"Draco, I..." Harry stammered.  
  
"Its ok, I understand."  
  
END OF SECTION  
  
Harry didn't tell Ron what had happened after Potions. Besides the fact he knew exactly how he would react, he and Ron hadn't been particularly talkative towards each other since the party. Ron seemed to feel Harry had taken advantage of him. Harry supposed this was due to the tiny, almost insignificant fact that Ron wasn't actually gay, and had just been very drunk.  
  
Harry couldn't understand the way he was starting to feel. He didn't know how to react to Dracos surprise kiss. He'd only just broken up with Cho, and in the past couple of weeks he had kissed both Ron and Draco, his worst enemy and his best friend. That wasn't even the worst thing. Harry had began to have feelings for Draco. Start to understand why he was like he was. Why, Harry thought miserably, he could be an insufferable git. And now, not only was Ron not talking o him now, imagine if he told him he fancied Draco Malfoy!   
  
Harry sat slumped back in his chair and sighed. How could you possibly love someone you hate?  
  
END OF SECTION  
  
As the days went on, the number of lines on Dracos wrists grew. Draco saw nothing of Harry, except for the odd glance while in the great hall.   
  
Dracos confidence had shrivelled up to nothing. He stopped strolling along the corridors, stopped making snide remarks and stopped boasting about his father. Everything that made people recognise him as Draco died, so he had none to give out to anyone.   
  
Draco had started to skip meals, just to go and sit in his dormitory and avoid awkward silences around people. He sat alone in lessons, not contributing, and his grades gradually started to plummet. He felt weak. He was weak, and their was only one person he felt could change any of that.  
  
END OF SECTION  
  
Harry was dreading Care of Magical creatures. He had a knot in his stomach, but wanted to see Draco.  
  
He had never believed that he would have wanted Draco to go back to being evil, just so he could forget about all of this.  
  
But Harry couldn't. He couldn't shake off the memory of what he had seen on Dracos arms.   
  
He couldn't help wondering why.   
  
He couldn't help wanting to help him, to stop him.   
  
And he couldn't help wanting to see him.  
  
END OF SECTION  
  
Dracos stomach flipped as he caught his first sight of Harry on his way to Care of magical creatures. He despised this lesson, but at least the great oaf Hagrid was away. He suddenly felt guilt at this thought, for he then realised how much there was in-between himself and Harry, and his heart plummeted as he, once again thought of his father. He didn't think he could look him in the eye anymore.  
  
Harry caught his eye for a brief second, but Draco dropped this contact. He knew he had to stop this. He knew it could never be. He knew he should just go back to being the old Draco.  
  
But something inside him had changed. He didn't want to be Draco. He desperately wanted to be a Griffindor, he even wished that at this moment he was Weasley, as he stood by Harry, and they chuckled. Draco couldn't help wondering whether they were a couple. His heart sank.   
  
"Malfoy." Ron said giving him harsh looks, "What no comment, no smarmy remark?"  
  
"Shut up Ron." Harry muttered under his breathe, not quite meeting Draco in the eye.  
  
"What?! I never thought I'd hear you say that Harry! Protecting an evil git like that?!"  
  
"Shut up Ron!" Harry said raising his voice slightly.  
  
"Well i could understand if it wasn't him but..."  
  
"SHUT UP RON!" Harry screamed. Everyone turned round to stare at him. He glanced at Draco, who was finding his shoelaces particularly interesting at this moment. "I mean... Professor Grubby Plank wants to say something." he said looking at the teacher, who had obviously come running after hearing the noise.  
  
Harry could see out of the corner of his eye Draco was staring at him. So he quickly turned to look at him.  
  
"Thanks." mumbled Draco  
  
"No problem."  
  
END OF SECTION  
  
Thankies for reading. :D Please review! 


	4. Chapter 4

Draco knew he would be burning red right now. His insides squirmed. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Harry Potter had stuck up for him, over Ron. It was amazing. He smiled quietly to himself. It felt good.

Draco found himself, yet again, not listening to a word Professor Grubby Plank said, so he was surprised when the bell went, which seemed, to him, a little premature.

Harry hung back. "Malfoy... I err.... can we talk? Not here." he said as Draco nodded. They walked quietly to a secluded spot behind Hagrid's hut. "I, ummm... about... urr.. Potions, I umm... Draco, I'm sorry.. I." Harry said, choking on his words.

"No problem." Said Draco, not quiet truthfully. He was good at putting on a front. "Listen, you know how I feel, maybe we can be friends?" he said smiling slightly.

"That's not... I mean... I don't want to be friends." Draco looked devastated "I mean.. I want.. I think I want, maybe more...?"

Draco stared at him blankly.

"Draco.." Harry trailed off.

"You called me Draco."

"Umm.. yeah I guess I did..."

Suddenly Draco lunged forward, and kissed Harry. Harry, startled at first, was surprised by the warmness of his. Malfoy ran his fingers through Harry's hair, as there kiss got deeper and deeper.

Suddenly Harry broke off. "Not here." he mumbled. "Draco I... I really like you." he said swallowing.Malfoy knew he would remember those words forever.END OF SECTION

Ron, stood slightly back from Hagrid's hut, his mouth wide open. He couldn't believe what he had just seen.  
  
He had been wondering where Harry had got to after Care of Magical creatures, so he went off to investigate, only to find him lip wrestling with Malfoy.  
  
"Oh my god! You two-faced loser! What the hell are you doing?"  
  
"Ron! Wait! I can explain! Ron.. I'm sorry. RON!" Harry yelled after a retreating Ron.  
  
"Oh god." muttered Harry. "Malfoy... I've got to go, we'll talk later."  
  
Dracos heart plummeted. He had gone from so high, to so low. Harry had once again called him Malfoy.

END OF SECTION  
  
Harry ran as fast as he could. "Ron for Christ sake stop! Ron!"

Ron stopped running abruptly. "Why Malfoy? I'm sorry I'm not gay for gods sake! I'm sorry we can't be more than friends, I can understand you hurting....but trying to get back at me with Malfoy??? Your pathetic Harry!"There was a tense silence.Then Harry punched Ron on his nose. "You selfish git."

END OF CHAPTER  
  
Thank you.


	5. Chapter 5

Ron didn't understand what was happening to Harry recently. First he decided he was gay, or bi...or whatever. Ron kicked at a stone nearby angrily. The point was, he had kissed Ron, by mistake, and then gone and kissed Malfoy!  
  
"Malfoy! Of all the people in the bloody world.... "spat Ron "Why Malfoy?!" He walked up to the common room and mumbled "Envuelto envolvido." There was no way Ron was gay. He was definitely straight. Definitely. After all, he was in love with Hermione.  
  
But Hermione didn't know about Rons kiss with Harry. She didn't even know Harry was gay. Ron had a strong suspicion she liked Harry. But now their own love triangle had got more complicated. Malfoy had poked his nose in. But if Ron had his way, Malfoy wouldn't be involved for much longer...  
  
END OF SECTION  
  
Harry's heart skipped a beat as he caught sight of Malfoy in the morning. He sent him a quick grin before scanning the Griffindor table for Ron - he was nowhere to be seen. He sat down and ate quickly, wanting to have a quick word with Draco before first lesson.  
  
About five minutes later a weary looking Draco stalked past and motioned Harry out of the great hall. Harry looked around and stood up, following him. Professor Dumbledore smiled behind his long white beard.  
  
"Mornin'." Draco mumbled smiling slightly. Harry's heart thumped. "Sleep well?"  
  
"Err...not to bad thanks, yourself?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yeah, I..."  
  
"Get away from him!" Shouted a voice Harry recognised.  
  
"Ron, please..." Harry mumbled "...Please don't..."  
  
"Get away from my boyfriend!" Ron yelled staring at Malfoy.  
  
Draco stared "You, you...you and Harry?"  
  
"That's right. Harry and me are going out, aren't we Harry? Aren't we Harry?!" Ron spat.  
  
Harry's mind span. Ron or Draco?  
  
"Yeah" he muttered finally, "Me and Ron are an item."  
  
"What are you talking about?!" said a voice from the darkness. It was Hermione. 


End file.
